When I Decided to Stop Trying
Sometime over the past few months, I stopped trying.
Hold on, let me explain.
Becoming a parent is eye-opening in so many ways. Not only is it harder than you ever imagined, but all of a sudden your time stops being yours. It’s not that I stopped wanting to go out to dinners or parties or shows after having a baby: it’s that now I had a little guy whose happiness and well-being were 100% dependent on me putting his needs first.
So I stopped trying. I stopped being the person to always reach out, to ask to get together, to do the follow up and try to coordinate all of the schedules. I stopped worrying about clinging onto a social life full of activities.
And to be honest: the amount of people who I stopped hearing from was pretty disappointing… and that includes a few people I held dearly who still to this day have not met Baby A, or even expressed interest in meeting him.
But I think the worst part is that every single parent I know has had this same experience.
Being a parent is EXHAUSTING, y’all. Think back to a time when you were more worn out then you’ve ever been, and then imagine being that tired every single day for months, while also not being able to just check out mentally (or spend the weekend catching up on sleep) because there’s a tiny human who needs you to stay present so that they stay alive and safe.
It’s hard. But it’s also so unbelievably worth it.
But you know what’s exhausting and not worth it? Trying to maintain relationships with people who don’t understand what you’re going through, and who aren’t willing to try.
“People change so much when they have kids!” You are totally right: we do. My life stopped revolving around ME and instead became a daily adventure of how I can be the best version of myself to help my son become the best version of himself. And part of that journey has meant letting go and becoming ok with people I cared about not seeing the beauty of this new chapter of my life.
Invest in people who invest in you. Pour your love and attention into those friendships that make you feel valued and appreciated, and into those people who also clearly value your family and your growth.
For me in this season of life, friends who reach out and want to see me AND Baby A (and who understand that sometimes a restaurant with a 9 month old is a really bad idea) are worth their weight in gold.
I’m thankful every single day for the precious friends we consider our family, and grateful for the amazing new mommy friends I’ve made over the past year. Thank you for keeping me sane. Thank you for building me up and cheering me on. But most importantly, thank you for loving our little boy and our family, and showing us how much you value us too.
